I was given a copy of this poem early in my tour directing days. I have no idea who originally created it, but I know I have tweaked and manipulated it numerous times depending on the tour. Enjoy.

TOURIST PRAYER

Heavenly Father,

Look down on us your humble obedient tourist servants,

Who are doomed to travel this earth, taking photographs,

Mailing postcards and walking around in drip dry underwear

We beseech you lord to see that our coach does not break down,

Our luggage is not lost and our Driver and Tour Director know what they are doing.

Give us this day divine guidance in our selection of hotels,

We pray that there is hot water, a comfortable bed and there is decent tea and coffee.

Lead us to good inexpensive restaurants where wine is included in the price of our meal.

Give us the wisdom to tip correctly in currencies we do not understand.

Make the natives love us for what we are, and not for what we can contribute to their new worldly goods.

Grant us the strength to visit Museums, Galleries, and Natural wonders,

And if per chance we skip an historic monument, have mercy on us for our flesh is weak.

Dear god, protect our wives from bargains they don’t need or can’t afford.

Lead them not into temptation for they do not know what they do (and the local economy requires it).

Almighty father keep our husbands for looking at foreign women and comparing them to us.

Save men from making fools of themselves in night clubs.

Above all, please DO NOT forgive them their trespasses for they know exactly what they do.

And when our voyage is over, grant us the favour of finding someone who will look at our home movies, photographs and listen to our stories, so our lives as tourists will not have been in vain.

This we ask you in the name of the travel gods,

Amen.